I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
His nipple licking is glorious
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