she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
