Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
