I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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