Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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