it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
