operation have a gay friend backfired
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
