im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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