i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
