Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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