white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
