So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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