I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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