2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
