Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
