I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
