So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He kissed a someone with a penis
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
