so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
