you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
