Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
