Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
