Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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