my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Randomize
