They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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