11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
