Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
