I just pynch a tree in the face
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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