week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
