I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
