You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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