Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
