All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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