Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
