I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He has the fingertips of a God
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