Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
