We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
