You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
