Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Randomize
