I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
