forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize