I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
