your thong is hanging out like whoa
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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