i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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