On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Randomize
