My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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