he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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