yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize