Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
