Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
