my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
