And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
