He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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