Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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