I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i wish my penis had a tongue
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
