Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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