Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
