you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
