I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
