i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
