She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
