I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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