Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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