if i can run in heels then i can drive
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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