i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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