And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
