You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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