umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
