I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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