So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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