No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
