If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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